Saturday, March 17, 2007

Why do people in leadership positions verbally attack and bully others and why do other people go along ?

Q. There is a girl who is in my academic department who has continually attacked anything I say or ask for the last year. She is now president of the club affiliated with the department and has recently become much worse. For example today she insinuated that i had no life and would get hired after graduation, was on academic probation, had lower then a 3.0 gpa, and that i never turned my work in. None of the above things are even remotely true but she got someone whom I thought was a friend to agree with her. Anything I say or ask someone she will critisize and try to make me appear idiotic for saying or asking. She also gets hysterical sometimes when i ask her something. For example we had to work on a in class question for the professor. I told her my opinion and when i asked her's she went nuts telling me she was not a professional in this field so how would she know and how could I ask her... I have seen her attack a few others and even kick someone for no reason. why do this

A. You're describing a very insecure person.

I still find it hard not to take personally some of the comments I receive but I'm getting stronger. I keep telling myself that this or that person is really just doing their thing.

In your case this person is projecting all their fears onto you so powerfully that you feel it. She sees her fears reflected in you and blames you for how she feels rather than taking responsibility for herself.

Try to accept her problems as hers and not yours. Don't allow yourself to be caught up in her emotional struggles. Remember you have standards and values of your own that serve you well and make you strong.

Remember also that you cannot take responsibility for her behavior. If she cannot control herself she can only be a leader among similar people. I doubt that includes you. Hidden under the surface of this situation is a wonderful opportunity for you to grow.

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