Sunday, April 8, 2007

What do you say when things have changed?

Q. Time, work and many factors change relationships. As kids we were often told to respect elders and greeting relatives or doing small chats was a way of life.

Now being an adult working with many people, one realizes that not everything that one was used to doing was the right way. Elderly people may not be looked up to if they had not used their time wisely or led a life that one did not hold on as good. (Could be better) Example the Auntie who always smiled but now you know only did that because she had your parents etc as clients.
Small chats become agonizing when time becomes very precious because there are bills to pay and one does not want to become caught in a rainy day and desolate due to a lack of saving!

Some people might not have caught on knowing these, or maybe pretending to not know. They may not like the changes they see although they know it is necessary for young adults. It becomes awkward when to say the truth is painful to the other party but to not say is

A. There's no doubt that when you need to make a living and add a career to your life, you make a considerable new commitments of your time and must adjust your priorities for how you spend it. Also, as each of us matures our perspective changes because of our life experience. From what you describe, you have at least these two things going on.

I believe that most of us find it quite a challenge to manage the tension between our time at work and our time with our families, the tension being because we cannot live full lives without either of them and each has different demands and rewards. The ideal balance, I suppose, is that we organize ourselves so that both these sides of our lives thrive and neither one threatens the success of the other. At the extremes are the workaholics who put work ahead of all else whatever the cost, and then the eternal children who never develop a life beyond their family.

As we mature, our perspectives change, not only about how we use our time but also about the people in our lives. You have a more sophisticated understanding of adult behavior than you did when you were a child and see people in a different light. The challenge in this case may not be about adopting a balance but to honestly examine your attitude. As a child, I believe I was a lot less judgmental than when I grew into adulthood. One of the behaviors that goes with developing an identity is to judge others in comparison to your own self-image. Unfortunately this is a waste of time and energy because you can never change them. More important than wasting time and energy, is the probability that by judging rather than accepting them you will exclude all that they have to offer as a person. (Remember the golden rule?)

At this time in my life I believe I was arrogant, pretending I knew more than I did. I was impatient, thinking that if I had my life under control (oh yes?) and wondering why didn't everyone else. I was intolerant, having little time for people who didn't see it my way. Fortunately there were a few people who stuck by me despite all that. I don't know what they saw in me or what their motives were. I do know they were generous in accepting me and making time for me.


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